Everyone can dance! It has always fascinated me how people are so adept at dancing around the elephant in a room. Truly! Having been a dancer my entire life, I have seen some downright pieces of art out of people who say they cannot dance! The poised, seemingly professionally choreographed movements are a wonder to behold.
Clearly I am not talking about the physical dance movements, although, these are also visible when reading the body language, I am talking about the grace that some tend to possess when they do not want to confront a difficult topic or uncomfortable situation that is staring both dead in the face. And sometimes it is not graceful in the least…it can also be rather irritating and annoying not to mention frustrating to those who are left bewildered by the (seemingly) lack of concern.
Does this sound like you or someone you know?
Tsk, Tsk…for successful communicating, this would be considered a 'no-no'. After all, elephants are quite large! Personally, I would rather figure out a direct way to get that elephant out of the room or, hand it some peanuts so it doesn't trample me. So, for those who like to dance with elephants simply because they are not sure what else to do, I am here to share some ways in which you can get rid of the elephant or, at the very least, hand it some peanuts to satisfy it.
Confronting difficult topics or situations does not require being confrontational. And, quite frankly, being confrontational will only agitate the elephant and the person you are seeking a response from. So how are some of the ways we can expose the elephant without causing complete chaos and hurt feelings?
Firstly, assessing one's own emotions and acknowledging them for what they are, is a great first step! You must decide if, A) the elephant is even worth bringing into view and, B) what role we play in getting it there in the first place. Once we have taken the steps to own our own part in the situation, we can better develop the empathy and compassion with which we would like to be treated if the shoe were on the other foot. Speaking from a place of love and acceptance will alleviate any confrontational tone. Prior to addressing any difficulty, assess that you are not responding in anger. Anger will come out in your tone, inflection and body language even if you say, "I'm not angry". The following is a short list of some of the tools you can add to your toolbox of life when confronting challenging issues:
Do not be afraid to confront and discuss the difficult and/or uncomfortable topics that come up in every type of relationship. By confronting in an empathetic and understanding approach, will not only ease you of many stressors in your life but also make your relationships that much stronger, secure, and healthier.
Happy Communicating!
Clearly I am not talking about the physical dance movements, although, these are also visible when reading the body language, I am talking about the grace that some tend to possess when they do not want to confront a difficult topic or uncomfortable situation that is staring both dead in the face. And sometimes it is not graceful in the least…it can also be rather irritating and annoying not to mention frustrating to those who are left bewildered by the (seemingly) lack of concern.
Does this sound like you or someone you know?
Tsk, Tsk…for successful communicating, this would be considered a 'no-no'. After all, elephants are quite large! Personally, I would rather figure out a direct way to get that elephant out of the room or, hand it some peanuts so it doesn't trample me. So, for those who like to dance with elephants simply because they are not sure what else to do, I am here to share some ways in which you can get rid of the elephant or, at the very least, hand it some peanuts to satisfy it.
Confronting difficult topics or situations does not require being confrontational. And, quite frankly, being confrontational will only agitate the elephant and the person you are seeking a response from. So how are some of the ways we can expose the elephant without causing complete chaos and hurt feelings?
Firstly, assessing one's own emotions and acknowledging them for what they are, is a great first step! You must decide if, A) the elephant is even worth bringing into view and, B) what role we play in getting it there in the first place. Once we have taken the steps to own our own part in the situation, we can better develop the empathy and compassion with which we would like to be treated if the shoe were on the other foot. Speaking from a place of love and acceptance will alleviate any confrontational tone. Prior to addressing any difficulty, assess that you are not responding in anger. Anger will come out in your tone, inflection and body language even if you say, "I'm not angry". The following is a short list of some of the tools you can add to your toolbox of life when confronting challenging issues:
- Confront situation during a calm state of mind.
- Make sure your timing is appropriate; ie., not right when the person walks in the door from
- work/school.
- Use 'I' statements not 'You' which can be perceived as blaming.
- Make your expectations clear and concise so there is no room for doubt or
misinterpretation. - Ask the individual to repeat back to you what they heard. Many times what we say is not
exactly what the other person is hearing.
- Allow the other person to speak without interruption and require the same in return.
- Share how the situation/statement/experience made you feel and ask for respect of those
feelings.
- Try to come to some type of resolution/closure/compromise so that if/when the situation
Arises again, you will both (or all) be prepared to handle it in a more emotionally healthy
manner.
Do not be afraid to confront and discuss the difficult and/or uncomfortable topics that come up in every type of relationship. By confronting in an empathetic and understanding approach, will not only ease you of many stressors in your life but also make your relationships that much stronger, secure, and healthier.
Happy Communicating!