How many times have you heard this statement during a conversation, argument, or someone being glib? While I do not hear it very often, when I do, it is usually a direct indication of someone being defensive or simply mean spirited. When is something truly our own problem and not someone else's? If we stop and think about it, it can be hard to decipher exactly whose problem it is without taking a look at what part we play in the situation. For the sake of this article, let's look at this question or 'statement', if you will, when it comes to friends, family and loved ones, basically, those we consider dear to the heart or, important to us.
Firstly, hearing a message like this is not one that someone typically receives well. Nor is it usually meant with good intentions! Can people disagree and have arguments, most certainly but, when we speak we must be aware of not only our intentions but, how the person receives the message. I know the saying as well as you do, "We usually hurt the one's we love the most" yet, once we become adults, I think it is our responsibility to put our pride, ego, and any petty past differences aside for the sake of the relationship as well as our own mental health.
When people do things for self-gain or, have a habit of stretching the truth or simply lying, those who are closest to them are, most times, fully aware yet, out of tolerance and respect, choose to overlook these types of destructive behaviors. On the other hand, if one chooses to 'call out' a person when it is an important topic to get to the truth or come to some type of agreement, they do not expect to have their intelligence insulted by statements such as above, 'It's your problem, not mine!'
According to Dr. Gail Salz as to why people lie, "… They lie to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid punishment." What is worse, according to Salz is the 'pathological liar', these individual's "… seems to feel compelled to lie about both the small and large stuff has a problem. We often call these folks pathological liars (which is a description, not a diagnosis)." The reason the person, who has been deceived, according to Saltz, loathes these types of liars is because, "… It’s a matter of trust. When a person lies, they have broken a bond – an unspoken agreement to treat others as we would like to be treated. Serious deception often makes it impossible for us to trust another person again." (http://www.today.com/id/4072816/ns/today-today_health/t/why-people-lie-how-tell-if-they-are/#.VMqeQEfF8VA)
So, when we look at the 'why' people lie and how the deceived feel, when you hear a statement such as we are discussing, whose 'problem' is it really? It is only our problem when we choose to entertain the liar's deceptions and, if they choose not to come clean and, finally, if we also choose to continue the relationship without some hard and fast rules and boundaries regarding untruths.
There is straightforwardly no good reason for lying, period. So, the next time you are either one hundred percent sure someone is lying to you or, you feel you are being deceived, do not let sleeping dogs lie, pun intended. You can choose to confront the deceiver on their deceit and if you both want to continue the relationship, you must set clear boundaries and limitations. It is better to let the person know that you would much rather hear the truth, no matter how painful/hurtful they may think it will be, than to be deceived. Lying is the liars problem, not yours. Your challenge comes in when you choose how to handle it.
Always respect yourself because others may not necessarily do so!
Firstly, hearing a message like this is not one that someone typically receives well. Nor is it usually meant with good intentions! Can people disagree and have arguments, most certainly but, when we speak we must be aware of not only our intentions but, how the person receives the message. I know the saying as well as you do, "We usually hurt the one's we love the most" yet, once we become adults, I think it is our responsibility to put our pride, ego, and any petty past differences aside for the sake of the relationship as well as our own mental health.
When people do things for self-gain or, have a habit of stretching the truth or simply lying, those who are closest to them are, most times, fully aware yet, out of tolerance and respect, choose to overlook these types of destructive behaviors. On the other hand, if one chooses to 'call out' a person when it is an important topic to get to the truth or come to some type of agreement, they do not expect to have their intelligence insulted by statements such as above, 'It's your problem, not mine!'
According to Dr. Gail Salz as to why people lie, "… They lie to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid punishment." What is worse, according to Salz is the 'pathological liar', these individual's "… seems to feel compelled to lie about both the small and large stuff has a problem. We often call these folks pathological liars (which is a description, not a diagnosis)." The reason the person, who has been deceived, according to Saltz, loathes these types of liars is because, "… It’s a matter of trust. When a person lies, they have broken a bond – an unspoken agreement to treat others as we would like to be treated. Serious deception often makes it impossible for us to trust another person again." (http://www.today.com/id/4072816/ns/today-today_health/t/why-people-lie-how-tell-if-they-are/#.VMqeQEfF8VA)
So, when we look at the 'why' people lie and how the deceived feel, when you hear a statement such as we are discussing, whose 'problem' is it really? It is only our problem when we choose to entertain the liar's deceptions and, if they choose not to come clean and, finally, if we also choose to continue the relationship without some hard and fast rules and boundaries regarding untruths.
There is straightforwardly no good reason for lying, period. So, the next time you are either one hundred percent sure someone is lying to you or, you feel you are being deceived, do not let sleeping dogs lie, pun intended. You can choose to confront the deceiver on their deceit and if you both want to continue the relationship, you must set clear boundaries and limitations. It is better to let the person know that you would much rather hear the truth, no matter how painful/hurtful they may think it will be, than to be deceived. Lying is the liars problem, not yours. Your challenge comes in when you choose how to handle it.
Always respect yourself because others may not necessarily do so!