Let me preface this post with a warning: I am by no means a sex therapist and none of the following is to be taken as any type of therapeutic regime for your relationship. I am simply a life coach who has been married over 20 years, having raised three children and have been faced with some of the very same issues as 90% of the population!
What is it that happens to couples when they have become too familiar with each other, busy with their daily lives, whether married or not, that intimacy comes down to one simple sexual act? If there is no intimacy going on in the rest of your lives, it is difficult to trip that switch when you hop into bed and try to act all warm and fuzzy. Scream 'YEAH!' if you're with me on this! And this is not just how women feel, men can have the 'same ole' dull routine' feelings too. Sometimes, it isn't because they aren't attracted to their mate anymore, age could be setting in and those topics like erectile dysfunction and menopause dryness don't want to be brought to the table. Are those embarrassing topics to have to discuss, sure! But, so is passing gas while being intimate or having a booger hanging from your nose on a first date! And as funny as these things may seem right now, at that moment when you feel everything has to be just right, they're not so funny, are they?!
For those who are reading this post because they may have an intimacy issue with their significant other or, just because you're curious that it may one day happen to you, read on for some tips on how to keep the love light burning even if it seems to be a smoldering mess!
1.) Do not allow yourselves to get so distant from each other that talking about
intimacy in and out of the bedroom becomes a 'job' or, worse, so
uncomfortable that you'd rather just become celibate or think about cheating!
2.) Take the time, every single day, to let your mate know how you feel. This could be
with just an 'I love you' phone call, a little note slipped into their wallet or on the
dashboard of the car. Something that lets them know how special they are to you.
Be creative!
3.) TOUCH!! Yes….TOUCH! And I don't mean just a quick hello/good-bye kiss, I
mean really take the time to touch/caress your partner. Here is a list of some
ways to incorporate touching into your daily lives:
· Hold hands in the car
· Hold hands while going on a walk
· Rub your mate's back/shoulders while talking or doing an activity like watching T.V.
· When talking to your mate, actually look into their eyes and touch their face
· Remember the things that attracted you in the first place and share that energy
through touching
· Sit/lay quietly together and just touch each other's bodies gently. This does not have to
lead to a sexual act. In fact, it is best if it doesn't. This is just a time for you two to
re-connect and make each other feel wanted and appreciated.
· Purposely brush against your partner while working in the kitchen, folding laundry
or doing any type of daily chore. This can be playful and remind each other that there
is more to each of you than work and routines.
Ways to Touch
· Take your fingernails and very lightly and gently rub them up and down on the inside
of your partners' arms. If this becomes ticklish, just apply a little more pressure so it is
pleasurable.
· Take your index finger and with your nail, make circles or figure eights on the palm of your
partner's hand.
· Gently give your partner a scalp/hair massage. This can do wonders for de-stressing
and relaxation.
· Give your partner a foot massage, if they are not too sensitive to this. Otherwise you can
massage their calves and thighs gently just while sitting next to each other.
· Simply give gentle hugs, often and throughout your day when you are with each other.
Not only does this create intimacy in all areas of your life but, it also can make those awkward
discussions far less scary.
Truly, you will be amazed at how incorporating touch into your daily lives can actually turn your partner on even if waiting for the actual act to occur has to be put off for a while. Much like 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'.
Everyone wants to feel loved, appreciated and, attractive. Having a healthy relationship means that we have to pay attention far more to the little things that are going on than the big things. The big things will always be there to deal with but, how we make our partner feel, on a daily basis, will keep the lines of communication much more open and secure. Give it a try and let me know how this works for you. Remember, be creative and fun! Your love for each other will do the rest!
What is it that happens to couples when they have become too familiar with each other, busy with their daily lives, whether married or not, that intimacy comes down to one simple sexual act? If there is no intimacy going on in the rest of your lives, it is difficult to trip that switch when you hop into bed and try to act all warm and fuzzy. Scream 'YEAH!' if you're with me on this! And this is not just how women feel, men can have the 'same ole' dull routine' feelings too. Sometimes, it isn't because they aren't attracted to their mate anymore, age could be setting in and those topics like erectile dysfunction and menopause dryness don't want to be brought to the table. Are those embarrassing topics to have to discuss, sure! But, so is passing gas while being intimate or having a booger hanging from your nose on a first date! And as funny as these things may seem right now, at that moment when you feel everything has to be just right, they're not so funny, are they?!
For those who are reading this post because they may have an intimacy issue with their significant other or, just because you're curious that it may one day happen to you, read on for some tips on how to keep the love light burning even if it seems to be a smoldering mess!
1.) Do not allow yourselves to get so distant from each other that talking about
intimacy in and out of the bedroom becomes a 'job' or, worse, so
uncomfortable that you'd rather just become celibate or think about cheating!
2.) Take the time, every single day, to let your mate know how you feel. This could be
with just an 'I love you' phone call, a little note slipped into their wallet or on the
dashboard of the car. Something that lets them know how special they are to you.
Be creative!
3.) TOUCH!! Yes….TOUCH! And I don't mean just a quick hello/good-bye kiss, I
mean really take the time to touch/caress your partner. Here is a list of some
ways to incorporate touching into your daily lives:
· Hold hands in the car
· Hold hands while going on a walk
· Rub your mate's back/shoulders while talking or doing an activity like watching T.V.
· When talking to your mate, actually look into their eyes and touch their face
· Remember the things that attracted you in the first place and share that energy
through touching
· Sit/lay quietly together and just touch each other's bodies gently. This does not have to
lead to a sexual act. In fact, it is best if it doesn't. This is just a time for you two to
re-connect and make each other feel wanted and appreciated.
· Purposely brush against your partner while working in the kitchen, folding laundry
or doing any type of daily chore. This can be playful and remind each other that there
is more to each of you than work and routines.
Ways to Touch
· Take your fingernails and very lightly and gently rub them up and down on the inside
of your partners' arms. If this becomes ticklish, just apply a little more pressure so it is
pleasurable.
· Take your index finger and with your nail, make circles or figure eights on the palm of your
partner's hand.
· Gently give your partner a scalp/hair massage. This can do wonders for de-stressing
and relaxation.
· Give your partner a foot massage, if they are not too sensitive to this. Otherwise you can
massage their calves and thighs gently just while sitting next to each other.
· Simply give gentle hugs, often and throughout your day when you are with each other.
Not only does this create intimacy in all areas of your life but, it also can make those awkward
discussions far less scary.
Truly, you will be amazed at how incorporating touch into your daily lives can actually turn your partner on even if waiting for the actual act to occur has to be put off for a while. Much like 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'.
Everyone wants to feel loved, appreciated and, attractive. Having a healthy relationship means that we have to pay attention far more to the little things that are going on than the big things. The big things will always be there to deal with but, how we make our partner feel, on a daily basis, will keep the lines of communication much more open and secure. Give it a try and let me know how this works for you. Remember, be creative and fun! Your love for each other will do the rest!